party of five...

so it seems i'm pregnant. it feels unreal somehow, like i'm not sure it's really happening.

i waited a whole week to tell jorge, anyone that knows me is shocked i could keep such a secret for so long.

i'm just not great that way, i can keep other people's secrets but anything that involves just myself, forget it. the filter is barely there. i' d like to think it's a sweet, endearing, vulnerable quality about me, but it has gotten me into trouble in the past. this is also the reason i suck at poker. after the initial shock, jorge just had a silly grin on his face the rest of the night.

we have been joking for months about how awful it would be if we got pregnant right now.

"wow babe, we dodged that bullet this month..." ha,ha,ha...

"oh my god, dude, can you imagine if we got pregnant, that would suck." "i know, right?"

so you can imagine my hesitation to tell. but jorge reminded me this is how we do things, we aren't really planners, we like it to just sort of happen. and then of course, we wax poetic about how this really is the best timing ever and discuss trivial matters like what kind of car we should buy. the x-terra is just too small. i can see my husband's mind ticking, mixing the practical with the mushy. i am however, still cautious...pregnancy has always been a lonely time for me.

it brings back memories of hard times and experiences. the process sounds tiring and long but the idea of a baby sounds so right. we weren't complete, party of four only sounded right for a while. i know we always have been waiting for our party of five...