housewife dream rejection...

warning- this is a sad post for dreamers (with a hopeful ending)

so i've always had this secret dream to be an actress. i did sing climb every mountain in my sixth grade graduation play and that's a crazy hard song to sing. and what about all those years of dramatic monologues for the language arts competitions. oh captain, my captain? anyone, anyone?

i've been reminding myself every year that goes by that 40 is the new 30 and my distant hopes of being an indy film star or stage wonder are not entirely gone. production has always fascinated me too, back in the miami days i used to fantasize about being a production assistant. who fantasizes about being the errand girl and getting yelled at all day? however, i like being helpful, getting what you need, and anticipating the need before it even arises...i think i would be a kick ass production assistant, i am a mother after all. trying to be helpful was how this whole drama even started.

jen was on a film-is-my-next-art-to-conquer tear. i instantly get excited when she even starts looking in this direction. i can just picture myself lying on a beautiful bed like beth giving an amazing death monologue or whatever the dramatic part jen writes for me in the story of our lives screenplay. i know how much she loves richmond so i started researching the film scene here thinking this might be ideal for her next art adventure. i stumbled upon this.

how much better does it get? nyu students trying to raise money for their first big project set to be filmed in their hometown. and the subject for the film:

JACKSON WARD is a film about a small-town cop who befriends a struggling teen. The title comes from the name of the neighborhood in Richmond, Virginia in which the film will be shot. This is a film about white guilt and the balance of racial power in the South.

oh my god. this is amazing and perfect...i was just about to write jen and tell her she needs to e-mail these guys and be their new best friend when for the first time in my life i stopped, i stopped mid-help, wait, wait, wait. these guys should be MY new best friends, this is like my dream, screw it, i'm writing them an e-mail! so here goes:


Title : production assistant treasure

Patience ****** here.Thirty year old, mom of three with unfulfilled fantasies of working in film.
Stumbled upon your current work/art and was hooked.
I do kindness work with a local midwife in Richmond and am currently writing a short book with my sister.
Okay, so if there aren't 5,432 VCU film students standing in line waiting to be production assistants, throw my name in the hat.
I can work a few full days, free of charge...no experience, I do have mad multi-tasking skills and a willing heart.

peace,patience

i thought for sure there would be a return in my e-mail box in three minutes flat. so sure i refreshed maybe 1,352 times. then i realized my craziness and left to pick up josiah from school only to return home to nothing in the inbox. this is the sad part of the story- i got nothin', no response, no response at all...it's so sad, i'm mystified really. this is the part where i should get all rudy on them and myself but i just can't do it. some days i'm sad thinking surely it's all over, the good days of youth are gone. jorge said i forgot to mention that i'm hot, that would have helped.
today however all i can think, is that this train is leaving mama and you missed like the best stop ever. there's always a chance to buy the ticket back though. i'll forgive you cool nyu filmmakers dudes and be your kick ass production assistant, but just this once.