the next 30...

i had been thinking about my birthday for a few months now. i thought i wanted an adventure birthday, but the adventure was really in my head.
i don't really like my birthday, it something about the direct attention. while i want to celebrate, i feel sort of fragile and uncomfortable. this year felt a little different, i knew i had the power to say what i envisioned and wanted but i needed someone to help me figure out what that was. jorge very casually helped me sort it out.
i realized it was okay to have the kind of birthday where i could receive the love and celebration of my life in a way that felt safe and just right for me. sometimes i just don't know how to let people love me, but i'm trying...

this translated into a lot of little experiences instead of one big one. it meant personal expressions of love from little children, dancing and drinking with friends, trying something hard and new with the safest people in my world, mending a precious relationship over yummy food and talk of football, sitting in the sun opening a gift that contained enough inspiration for the next thirty years, and receiving a book of blessings for my path that can be soaked in again and again.

and i still didn't get to connect with all the people i wanted to...maybe this will be a birthday month, i don't know. i do know that it is the beginning of so many new things for me. i don't feel as old as i thought, but i feel wiser like i have something to share with the world.

and the universe, in all her wisdom has much more to share with me...