my thanks...

i love thanksgiving, always have. aside from the raping and pillaging we did to the native americans, i like to think their kindness to an undeserving people keeps the holiday pure in it's intent.

it was also the day my beloved proposed so it holds all kinds of warm memories for me...

we had a hell of a week leading up to thanksgiving. you can read about it here.
we found our way but it was emotionally exhausting. we had very little to offer at a holiday that is all about cooking, preparing, doing together. it didn't seem to matter though. the sisters, in their wisdom, kept reminding me that all was well and no contribution was needed. they sent gifts of warm spinch artichoke dip to eat in the car for our travels and care packages of bath oils and good books. but mostly i was touched how they loved my husband.
some wrote, some called, some im'ed. women surrounded him with gifts of advice, nuture and support- things i was just unable to give to him. it was the divine mother, the one who never fails or hurts you.

this left me with an overwhelming feeling of deep gratitude. instead of packing and cleaning the day before thanksgiving, we ended up making cards and taking flowers to people we felt thankful for.
josiah reminded me that his friend at school only had 2 lego guys, he thought his card should include some of his own.
jack said he felt thankful for santa and proceeded to make him a card complete with the famous hand print turkey art. he wanted to deliver it right away. i knew we had to although i really didn't want to go clear cross town in the cold torrential rain.
lucy was clingy and grouchy but perked up at the sight of santa and the play place at the mall.

i tell you all this because we have everything we could ever need or want. i always thought my life would be good if certain things happened or didn't happen. i see now that when everything is peeled away, when your pain is raw, if you can find love-even in the darkest place, you are okay. even if you don't feel it yourself, if someone else can hold it for you, or make the space, it will light your way...