Wednesday, June 15, 2005

oh dear....

after going to the gym and an intense counting calories discussion during dinner, we watched fit tv about all the cool different gyms in l.a. ....

can you say obsess much?

i'm such a wimp, i swear that man could lead me right off a bridge. or how about a nice refreshing drink...kool-aid anyone?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

my husband is making me a little crazy...

have i ever mentioned how incredibly hot my husband is? i'm not sure what exactly it is, i think it's his smile, that mixed with a killer wink but regardless, he is an attractive man. this really doesn't seem to diminsh when he puts on a little weight either- at least to me. he just looks bigger and stronger- some people have mentioned the word scary but that's just because he is tall, broad and latino.

i have discovered there is like a magic key to his life coming together- it's exercise. whenever he is working out he instantly becomes more productive, involved, happier, etc... then there's the added plus- while he has a nice body to begin with he goes into oh-my-god status. this is how those accidental positive pregnancy tests keep popping up i'm sure.
but unfortuantely for me, with all this exercise and gloriousness comes watching what you eat. i like to eat a healthy dinner and then a bowl of ice cream- i know this makes no sense but i partially work out to be able to keep my occasional candy bar habit.
my dear husband however, has no sweeth tooth. he can not fully appreciate my deep love for all things chocolate. so while his impecable eating habits are looming all around me i always eventually get convicted and cut down on my sweets. this happens to be very good during pregnancy but can also make a person mildly cranky too.
we had a big birthday party for him last week. i asked him if he would like me to add some healthy options to the menu. i knew this crowd that prefers a third grade school party menu (hot dogs, hamburgers and chips) would not be interested in anything remotely healthy but it was jorge's birthday. i wanted him to have what he wanted. he hesitated when i offered, i could tell he was very conflicted. he decided he would be drinking an ungodly amount of beer so what's a few hamburgers?
so due to the never ending beer pong tournament we ended up going through way more beer than hamburgers. this also put a huge dent in our food budget so i decided to cut some corners in meal planning this week. i planned a few acceptable healthy meals but decided to have left over frozen hamburgers one night. "what are we having dinner?" he asks. i follow with a big long explanation preparing him for the hamburger bomb. long silence in return. "aggggg, i'll make something for myself, don't worry about it, okay babe?"
"oh my lord, you are so fussy." the most laid back man in the world is suddenly refusing every man's favorite. "i'll get chicken."
the thing is, if this is the biggest nonsense i have to put up with from this man, i'll gladly take it (but please don't tell him- i like to martyr every now and then) . and his profuse apologizing, i am now getting treated to outback this evening. i say score one for me!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

more information...

i thought maybe this girl was in regular growing up kind of trouble or something...turns out it's secondary cancer. the prognosis is not good, she's in her 20's. nancy (my midwife) and i talked and talked about it today. birth and death are such right of passages. it is such a honor to stand next to anyone during these times. and i just love that people of different faiths are coming together to do this work. i saw the prayer pole today....my heart hasn't stopped praying since i left. it's almost all i can think about and it puts my problems in such perspective.

i've been looking for a faith community outside the church, i can just barely stand church right now. spirituality and birth are so connected for me, it makes so much sense that there might be a faith connection there for me.

spiritual healing...

i got a phone call from someone i don't know last night. she called with a most interesting invitation. my midwife gave her my name and number and thought i should be included. it seems a very well known doula in our local birth community is going through a really difficult time in her family, especially with her daughter. i have no idea what exactly is going on but she has called on her friends (and friends she doesn't even know yet, i.e. me) to come support her and her daughter at this time.
a spiritual healing of sorts...each attendee is asked to bring a bead that reminds her of courage and hope- this is for a necklace for the daughter. for her mom, we are making a prayer pole, covered with words of encouragement and strength.
i can't tell you how amazing this all sounds to me. i just keep thinking how the return blessingis so great on these types of things. you usually walk out feeling healed yourself. god knows i could use some healing too. i love when a community can gather around a friend in need, even better, when a friend is in need and feels safe enough to ask for help.
i have no idea who will be there, probably no one i will even know, but i feel honored and happy to be included.

Friday, June 03, 2005

suzy homemaker...

i was quite the suzy homemaker today. this is the side i've been neglecting for let's say, oh 2 years now. i have flashes of martha moments but i've been too busy finding myself recently.
i'm in my late 20's, what can i say?

what brought about out my inner domestic goddess you ask? a hibernation that is a result of depression. well, not exactly the clinical kind, it's more of the i-don't-want-to-deal-with-the-world variety. after family and work drama, both taking hits on my most inner vulnerable self, i should be ready to re-emerge sometime next week. i can't even arm myself with ben & jerry's as i am trying to cut down on my sweets this pregnancy. i did manage to make it to the gym though.
don't these people know i'm an esfj? the high "f", deeply sensitive kind? throw a pregnancy into the mix and man, it's been rough. i feel like i've been kicked when i'm down.
on a brighter note, i love my husband all the more. i've been feeling deeply connected to him lately, like he might be the only person on the planet that really gets me. like the safest person in the world. he's been on overdrive caring for me and loving me.
my kids are right there too. josiah came in when i was lying down the other day to say,
"mom, i know you are having a hard day. i love you so much mama..."
what five year old says this kinda stuff? i swear i'm not laying around crying all day- he is so damn intuitive.
and jack continues to be be his cheerful, chatty self. he constantly refers to himself in the third person and is convinced that is name is "jackie-boy".
so josiah and i made a homemade empanadas and chimmichurri sauce for dinner tonight. we finished with baking a cake for jorge's birthday party tomorrow. i forgot how long it takes to make everything from scratch.
if jorge was home and my house was clean, i might never leave...well, maybe for some ben & jerry's...