baby girl...

so after allowing the news that we are having a girl to soak in a bit my mind is swirling with thoughts. i find it funny that we both were so shocked. jorge kept saying, "i just thought we have boys in our family...". like the possibility never crossed his mind, silly boy.

and yet every day that passes, this baby girl weaves her way into our hearts and family, like she's always been there. like we desperately needed her but we never realized it. she completes us and she isn't even born. the brothers seem tighter than ever, they have been playing fabulously together lately. god knows they might be fighting like cats and dogs next week but for today they give each other sloppy kisses and tight hugs and then say, "ewwww...." and laugh at each other. all i can think is that their friendship is exactly as it should be.

i keep having these feelings of mothern concern and protectiveness in a way i haven't felt before. not so much because of her gender but because she is my baby, my youngest. this is strange and new for me. i delight in her, but i don't know her yet. i can imagine what she might look like and guess about her little personality, but none of this matters exactly because she just fits.

her name is a constant discussion. josiah was dead set on lucy for quite sometime until last night when he suggested stella. i've been voting for deeply meaningful cool names like peace and trinity. everyone looks at me like i can't be serious. jorge likes more classic names with a slightly masculine edge and jack thinks "mama" is a good name. i suspect i will be the one compromising here...
part of me really wants her to have a name soon. it just connects me and makes her identity all the more real. like we are welcoming someone we already know but are dying to meet.

i pray she feels the same way about us...