housewife dream rejection...

warning- this is a sad post for dreamers (with a hopeful ending)

so i've always had this secret dream to be an actress. i did sing climb every mountain in my sixth grade graduation play and that's a crazy hard song to sing. and what about all those years of dramatic monologues for the language arts competitions. oh captain, my captain? anyone, anyone?

i've been reminding myself every year that goes by that 40 is the new 30 and my distant hopes of being an indy film star or stage wonder are not entirely gone. production has always fascinated me too, back in the miami days i used to fantasize about being a production assistant. who fantasizes about being the errand girl and getting yelled at all day? however, i like being helpful, getting what you need, and anticipating the need before it even arises...i think i would be a kick ass production assistant, i am a mother after all. trying to be helpful was how this whole drama even started.

jen was on a film-is-my-next-art-to-conquer tear. i instantly get excited when she even starts looking in this direction. i can just picture myself lying on a beautiful bed like beth giving an amazing death monologue or whatever the dramatic part jen writes for me in the story of our lives screenplay. i know how much she loves richmond so i started researching the film scene here thinking this might be ideal for her next art adventure. i stumbled upon this.

how much better does it get? nyu students trying to raise money for their first big project set to be filmed in their hometown. and the subject for the film:

JACKSON WARD is a film about a small-town cop who befriends a struggling teen. The title comes from the name of the neighborhood in Richmond, Virginia in which the film will be shot. This is a film about white guilt and the balance of racial power in the South.

oh my god. this is amazing and perfect...i was just about to write jen and tell her she needs to e-mail these guys and be their new best friend when for the first time in my life i stopped, i stopped mid-help, wait, wait, wait. these guys should be MY new best friends, this is like my dream, screw it, i'm writing them an e-mail! so here goes:


Title : production assistant treasure

Patience ****** here.Thirty year old, mom of three with unfulfilled fantasies of working in film.
Stumbled upon your current work/art and was hooked.
I do kindness work with a local midwife in Richmond and am currently writing a short book with my sister.
Okay, so if there aren't 5,432 VCU film students standing in line waiting to be production assistants, throw my name in the hat.
I can work a few full days, free of charge...no experience, I do have mad multi-tasking skills and a willing heart.

peace,patience

i thought for sure there would be a return in my e-mail box in three minutes flat. so sure i refreshed maybe 1,352 times. then i realized my craziness and left to pick up josiah from school only to return home to nothing in the inbox. this is the sad part of the story- i got nothin', no response, no response at all...it's so sad, i'm mystified really. this is the part where i should get all rudy on them and myself but i just can't do it. some days i'm sad thinking surely it's all over, the good days of youth are gone. jorge said i forgot to mention that i'm hot, that would have helped.
today however all i can think, is that this train is leaving mama and you missed like the best stop ever. there's always a chance to buy the ticket back though. i'll forgive you cool nyu filmmakers dudes and be your kick ass production assistant, but just this once.

geek dads are in...

i can always count on jorge to keep me up on trends. he's kinda like madonna, he can see them a mile away or invents them himself. he is also a little bit of everything so he has at least a little cool in him at all times. he casually told me forever ago that geek is in...

"really? huh..." i said.

fine by me, most geeks love me. i'm not crazy smart but i'm happy to listen to whatever you are into and ask semi-intelligent responsive, engaging questions. i'll go home and google later too, just so we'll have something to talk about the next time i see you.

so in true jorge fashion, we find ourselves at new york deli the other night for ipod night and to support this awesome and very cool do-gooding project. have you ever walked into someplace and were immediately aware that everyone there is like 10 times cooler than you?

The soundtrack in my own inner monologue was goin' back to some sesame street days-
one of these things is not like the other...that and there were crickets.

but it wasn't just geek- there were girls with black, short hair and tattoos up their arms and skinny guys in tight t-shirts and beards wearing black horned rimmed glasses. these are geeks, artists, bloggers, cool underground bike people, zine makers, very socially aware and conscious, all the cool shit rolled into one... did i mention i was the homecoming queen? totally embarrassing yet true.

and there was jorge, schmoozing with the best of them. i love, love, love all of this...even if i was overly cheery and never got a second look from anyone in the bar. being the eternal poser that i am-i listened to the music, i took note of the fashion, i felt the vibe.

i still chalked the coolness factor to the youth of the night until i hit the park the next day. not long ago it was dad's in northface fleeces pushing kids on swings and this spring it's dad's playing IN the sand discussing how the human connection and science interconnect. my brother in law would have been in heaven. there were even more horned rimmed glasses and cool throwback tennis shoes. i just smiled and eavesdropped on all the interesting conversations around me, it beats poop conversations and stroller reviews any day of the week.