my thanks...

i love thanksgiving, always have. aside from the raping and pillaging we did to the native americans, i like to think their kindness to an undeserving people keeps the holiday pure in it's intent.

it was also the day my beloved proposed so it holds all kinds of warm memories for me...

we had a hell of a week leading up to thanksgiving. you can read about it here.
we found our way but it was emotionally exhausting. we had very little to offer at a holiday that is all about cooking, preparing, doing together. it didn't seem to matter though. the sisters, in their wisdom, kept reminding me that all was well and no contribution was needed. they sent gifts of warm spinch artichoke dip to eat in the car for our travels and care packages of bath oils and good books. but mostly i was touched how they loved my husband.
some wrote, some called, some im'ed. women surrounded him with gifts of advice, nuture and support- things i was just unable to give to him. it was the divine mother, the one who never fails or hurts you.

this left me with an overwhelming feeling of deep gratitude. instead of packing and cleaning the day before thanksgiving, we ended up making cards and taking flowers to people we felt thankful for.
josiah reminded me that his friend at school only had 2 lego guys, he thought his card should include some of his own.
jack said he felt thankful for santa and proceeded to make him a card complete with the famous hand print turkey art. he wanted to deliver it right away. i knew we had to although i really didn't want to go clear cross town in the cold torrential rain.
lucy was clingy and grouchy but perked up at the sight of santa and the play place at the mall.

i tell you all this because we have everything we could ever need or want. i always thought my life would be good if certain things happened or didn't happen. i see now that when everything is peeled away, when your pain is raw, if you can find love-even in the darkest place, you are okay. even if you don't feel it yourself, if someone else can hold it for you, or make the space, it will light your way...

a fall redeemed...

jack and i have been properly worshipping the leaves this fall. sadly our sanctuary has been the car, we still ride down my street and pray to the blue sky and orange trees. the yellow oaks are a call to prepare our hearts right before the wind blows her blessing on us.

"jack! do you see that?"
"yeah, mama!"
"it makes me happy jackie-boy."
"me too mama."

the leaves fall and our car pushes right through blowing the holiness to someone else.

the only dark part of this beauty is that we should be outside, not confined by glass and steel. we rush through unable to really soaked up the magic.

i have been spending most of my days in the car. i hate this...this life that is dictated by school hours, homework, bedtimes, schedule, laundry and the like. i can't find my rhythm, responsibility is calling the shots. spontaneity has taken a back seat, i love that dear girl. she is full of joy and i miss her desperately.

i thought all was lost, the winter-like air has swept in quickly during the month of november. the days of walking to carytown to get a little piece of chocolate , a yummy lunch,
or play and be inspired felt pretty much over. i am not yet ready to switch gears to starbucks and hibernation. winter can be long and harsh and i never had a chance to say good-bye to my good friend fall. she was kind and granted mercy today. the sun was shining proudly, t-shirts and flip flops had one last show.

lucy and i almost skipped to all our places in town. lucy waved and said, "bye!" to every stranger along the way. it didn't matter whether we were coming or going, her gift was happily received. the smiles were deep and genuine. after finding lots of treasures we made our way back to our haven.
naps were in order, they seemed the perfect benediction. i was unable to sleep and found myself in the kitchen making homemade macaroni and cheese. the thought of an inevitable winter still was looming in the back of my mind. the season of so many things are coming to an end for me. my spirituality will try to live off the new harvest i've been gathering, hopeful that peace will be born by spring. it weighs on my heart today.


acoustics sounds of a guitar and bass start to fill my kitchen. they mix with the aroma of the comfort food, all of my senses being tended to. the guys next door are preparing for their gig tonight. it could not be more perfect. the live music finds it's way deep into my soul. i sit on my porch, the only one at this show. fall has not allowed me to despair, like a mother she knew i needed her to be redeemed and find my own redemption so that i may embrace a new hope...

i worship this guy...

can i just say my brother rocks?

this could not be a better post. i totally agree man...

10 reasons why jorge is a crazy good papa...

1.he plays hours of "wars"- josiah's made up game that is played on a chinese checker board with marbles, dice, legos and backgammon pieces. the game is that josiah makes up 1000 different rules to directly favor himself...thank god for playful parenting, this process requires the patience of a saint. (jorge does occasionally get his own rule in here and there)

2. he loves halloween and all other holidays that involve excess such as-
(ranked by most favorite)
1.thanksgiving(food)
2.st. patrick's day (drinking)
3. halloween (candy goodwill).

3. he REALLY wants a pet. he and jack took turns holding shiner (the preschool class guinea pig) this weekend. shiner gets a reprieve from 120 little hands to just the torture of one family on the weekend.

4. he gets pissy when i don't remind him that it's pumpkin carving day at school, he would have liked to have gone. the same goes for fieldtrips. (i say- not my job dude!)

5. he loves live music so much he is happy/willing to sit through scareokey at the spooky saturday at school. for just 2 tickets any kid can be tina turner rollin' down a river...

6. he meets our kids snuggle needs. i never realized how much connecting he does until the last few weeks when he has been enduring knee surgery drama. i watched jack in papa holding withdrawal. the kids were actually giddy the first night he was back in our family bed.

7. he's up on kid's television and pop culture. he tivo's the backyardigans and wonder pets, and doesn't mind watching and singing for that matter.

8. he sees the potential-he let's jack take 5 million digital pics half of which are blurred or pictures of lucy's nostrils.

9. he say's things like, "niiiiice" and "excellent" to anything you really care about. he asks follow-up questions about kindergarten dynamics and playground drama.

10. he delights fully in our kids, he honors their personalities and stages of growth in their hearts and lives...