the next 30...

i had been thinking about my birthday for a few months now. i thought i wanted an adventure birthday, but the adventure was really in my head.
i don't really like my birthday, it something about the direct attention. while i want to celebrate, i feel sort of fragile and uncomfortable. this year felt a little different, i knew i had the power to say what i envisioned and wanted but i needed someone to help me figure out what that was. jorge very casually helped me sort it out.
i realized it was okay to have the kind of birthday where i could receive the love and celebration of my life in a way that felt safe and just right for me. sometimes i just don't know how to let people love me, but i'm trying...

this translated into a lot of little experiences instead of one big one. it meant personal expressions of love from little children, dancing and drinking with friends, trying something hard and new with the safest people in my world, mending a precious relationship over yummy food and talk of football, sitting in the sun opening a gift that contained enough inspiration for the next thirty years, and receiving a book of blessings for my path that can be soaked in again and again.

and i still didn't get to connect with all the people i wanted to...maybe this will be a birthday month, i don't know. i do know that it is the beginning of so many new things for me. i don't feel as old as i thought, but i feel wiser like i have something to share with the world.

and the universe, in all her wisdom has much more to share with me...

a lovely weekend...

this weekend can be described in one word- lovely. we went to northern virginia to meet up with dear friends and even had a chance to make a new one too. i love weekends that are a little bit of everything- new amazing nature, a new friend, a new look at spirituality, a new wisdom, a new experience. i feel so at home with these friends, and it seems in many ways just the beginning of our friendship. i left feeling relaxed and inspired.

this was also launched this week- *sigh*, so amazing...many blessings as the divine blogosphere mother welcomes you back...

labor day, movie marathons and more...

this labor day finds us in true sloth-dom. each room in the house is a different degree of trashed. the morning started with a viewing of the movie jumanji which then turned into a suggestion of zathura and chinese food. i'm sure this is the very definition of relaxation that whoever invented labor day had in mind. i didn't even know a movies-about-board-games marathon even existed, or could be created by a 6 and 32 year old.

i'm slightly disturbed that we are even in this movie world. tastes are definitely changing, it must be yet another sign that kindergarten starts tomorrow. i'm definitely having one of those my heart is outside of my body parenting moments.
i feel like this chapter is very over and nothing will be exactly the same again. i sound completely dramatic (which i was actually called this morning) i know but i really loved that chapter. you know, the one where you sit around at parks all afternoon, make "projects" involving styrofoam and toothpicks with the cellophane flags at the top, you decide to make chocolate chip cookies on a whim and dance in the kitchen. there is no plan because you never HAVE to be anywhere. you have deep conversations about star wars, legos and what happens when you die.

the smokin' and jokin' days are over...jorge has grand plans of taking over the pta, early pick-ups and standing on the sidelines at basketball games. he is coming into his parenting prime while i watch mine fade away. i will follow jorge's lead as he did mine and josiah will light our path.

"mom, i put my head under the water at the pool and fell asleep all by myself...
we had a happy meal and got toys from leeann and i'm going to the big kid school, my life is so good mom."

it is a good life, even for the resistant teary mom who will still embrace the next chapter and pray it is as sweet as the last...