transitions, babies and love....

my week started out with a bang. i was offered a new job on monday and accepted it on tuesday, quit my present job on wednesday, told many a friend on thursday and had a big meeting on friday.

somewhere in between a baby was born, jorge traveled and love was tested. all ended triumphantly i must say but made for a very interesting and tiring week.

as we were out shopping for the baby, i ran into an old friend and chatted while my kids waited. my kids were whining and extremely tired, they were so rude even i was embarrased. we still had to head back to my work which couldn't have been a worse idea considering how grouchy everyone was but i really needed to go. i was railing on them after we left about how rude they were when jackie-boy very quietly in the back said,

" 'cuse me mama, you know what my body is telling me?"

(*sigh* i'm fully expecting he'll say chocolate milk or some other "need". i am so over being a parent today is all i can think)

"my body is saying (here comes the high pitched voice), 'go to toys work (what they call my job)
jackie-boy'."

this is jack's surrender, he has given over his will and sacrificed his needs for me. it's his olive branch.

"thanks jackie." i say, feeling like such a loser for dragging my kids all over creation to do my errands and do-gooding. did the gift really need to be delivered on a saturday night at 8:30pm and THEN head back to my work? and why, oh why am i trying to finish out so much before i leave.

i think i just feel a little guilty for quitting so close to the busiest time of year for my line of work. or maybe i just want the people close to me to know that i'm not quitting them.

i felt proud of my family though. as much as my kids were making me crazy, they happily picked out presents for the big sisters of the new baby and they apologized for being rude when really i was being a crappy parent.

all that and my marriage was tested by evil in the world, but the most amazing part was we passed with flying colors. it left the kind of high that true love really does conquer all...

so all in all, it was a good week, tiring but good.

madonna, the divine mother and reinventing my faith...

my sister and i were talking on the phone the other day when i was telling her that i just felt like the divine mother or whoever was trying to tell me something. this made her chuckle and smile i'm sure. "oh, i love that, the divine mother." she said. "i know, right?" i said.

we've been calling him, or um her that ever since. it's who the divine is to us this week. maybe it will change next week, who knows. the conversation instantly reminded me of madonna. i mean who can go from material girl to like a prayer to justify my love to knitting mother to kaballah queen? somehow that woman pulls it off like whoever she is in that moment is exactly what she should and the rest of the world should be too. she owns the room, the music, even the future reinvention...and i don't even really like madonna.

my faith, my god, is forever being reinvented in my head.
i went from this god i desperately want to please and pray he loves me back
to
maybe he doesn't care so much about me trying so damn hard
to
the god that isn't even about that shit anyway
to
god must be about loving the world
to
mother theresa and saving the world in my own way must be the god i am about
to
maybe god is like the divine mother whose lap you crawl into. she strokes your hair while you cry...she gently calls you out to do the things you are afraid to do. she whispers the truth of her deep love for you at the moment when you feel the most alone. she reminds you how strong you are and how her dreams for you are so much greater than you can ever imagine...

this is my god, she's my favorite by far. i feel safe in her arms, i want to hear her voice...

come to me divine mother....reinvent my faith again.

when tivo has gone too far...

this is how you know how your kids have wached too many shows in the tivo que this summer:

i was reading josiah a book this morning when he said,

"pause the book mom, i gotta get something."

my letter to the principal...

so we are in this horrible waiting game with josiah's school situation. we literally will not know until the first day of school if there is a spot for him. it sucks royally for me, i hate not knowing. i wrote this letter so the principal won't forget about us. i was trying to craft a "you really want us" letter but i just couldn't do it so i went with endearing and pathetic. i think it's a good description of josiah...


Dear Mr. *****,

We spoke last week regarding my son Josiah who will be in kindergarten this fall. Josiah is first on the waiting list and **** is our district school. While I'm sure the last minute preparations for the school year are enough to make everyone crazy, I appreciate you taking the time to read this e-mail.

I've heard you are a face-to-face kind of guy but I figured that it would be completely overboard for me show up unannounced and beg for a spot for my kid one week before school starts. So I sit here with my computer instead knowing that the numbers are already determined and that you have to actually have a spot to offer. The letter is merely for my own mental health I'm sure.

I just wanted you to know a little bit about Josiah so that if a spot should open in that very last dark hour you would have a picture in your head to fill it.

Josiah is a lego artist and is completely obsessed with recycling at the moment. Everywhere we go he insists that he needs to take trash home for a very important project. The little ketchup cups at Wendy’s are necessary for bionicle building, the Cold Stone creamery bowl must be washed out in the bathroom because it would be the perfect top to a submarine, and he insists he will need the cup carrier at Baja Fresh for something although he’s not quite sure what that something is yet. And yes, we are eating a lot of fast food these days.
I keep reminding myself that this form of art is indeed important to his development and we aren’t just hauling a bunch of crap home.

This kid has a killer sense of fashion that involves lots of mismatching and green or red high top converse shoes that have become his trademark.
He is kind and has an uncanny ability to make friends everywhere we go. I sometimes watch in amazement thinking he will never be able to crack the code with the kid twice his age and size but somehow he does. He is very laid back and can adapt to a plan change at any minute but he can also be incredibly persistent once he gets something in his head. He asks why so much, so much that even the former teacher in me gets tired just thinking about it.
He is rarely outwardly defiant but has been known to be passive aggressive on occasion. He loves his brother and sister dearly and is incredibly affectionate. I will really miss his company but am excited for this next step in his life.

I believe that ****** is the place for Josiah and our family. I am particularly interested in the multi-cultural focus as we are an ethnically blended family. The do-gooder in me wants my kid in any place that is participating in a project like Habitat for Humanity where kids can get a hands on experience on what our lives should really be about.

While I know Josiah will be great wherever he ends up, in my head and heart I can see him walking up the steps to ******. We will wait until the very last day of August as per your instruction in the letter we received from you. Much peace and many blessings as you start another year of leading the kids of Richmond to new places of learning and growth.

attached is a picture of josiah...

peace,

********

so the kids and i crashed happy hour...

i gave jorge this very long speech the other day about how i am so tired of hauling the kids to work with me because well, it's hard to actually work. as a result of this long, drawn out complaining-about-the-plight-of-women session we decided jorge would watch the kids last night so i could get some uninterrupted hours in.

so where is my husband at 5:30 when i'm on my way to drop the kids off and head in to work? he's here ....the best little hole in the wall bar in richmond. i'm mildly annoyed although he claims he had every intention of being home by the time we got there. i instantly start planning my "you suck" speech when i had a brilliant idea: we will crash happy hour! everyone, the whole crew- me, a six year old, a three year old and 10 month old respectively.

while i know that buddy's is like my husband's inner sacred place, i knew he would probably think it was great that we spontaneously showed up. i was hoping it would have more of a revenge effect but jorge is just too cool for that. not to mention, why shouldn't i get to have a drink too?

josiah: where are we going mom?
me: we are going to meet papa at a "restaurant"
josiah: oh good, do they have french fries there?
me: ummm....probably, we'll see...

so we get to buddy's and i march my myself with a baby on my hip right into the smokey bar. every man in there has a look of instant panic followed by relief that none of the small children actually belong to him. i can see them thanking jesus this is not their wife invading their inner sanctum. i scan the room and i quickly realize jorge is NOT there. where the hell is he?

i tell the kids we are leaving much to every one in the bar's relief and head outside to call jorge.
i start thinking that he must have felt bad he screwed me over and has gone home to wait for me. not so much....

jorge: hello?
me: where are you?
jorge: i'm at bandito's
me: what? i thought you were at buddy's?
jorge: nah, we ended up at bandito's
me: I'M AT BUDDY'S!!!!!!!
jorge: what!!!????? (laughing while slightly buzzed)
me: we were crashing your happy hour and now you are at bandito's? you have completely ruined my whole plan of revenge! I'm so pissed!
jorge: (still laughing) you took the kids to buddy's?
me: you are buying me dinner and drinks.
jorge: no problem baby, i'll have a long island iced tea waiting for you.
me: see you in a few....
jorge: hey, so are you going to work?
me: hell no!
jorge: (laughing) bye...

why i have not done this before i do not know. we ended up having a great night that just couldn't end at bandito's. let's just say the night ended with good friends drinking on our porch and singing high school musical songs. the days of summer are almost over. i wish we had crashed happy hour forever ago...

it's all about the love...

i was going to write this very mushy post about my husband and then i read this which made me cry. i don't even know where to start except that he really gets me. he knows i so very want to be the woman in that song.

jorge has taught me so much this year. it was a particularly good marriage year- we had lucy, we moved to a new place for the sake of adventure, jorge started a new business that energizes him, jorge taught me how to recover a time in my life i thought was over, some sad things happened and we were able to really rely on each other, st. patrick's day was insanely fun...and the list goes on.

many blessings on you my best friend...we have been given much more than we could ever ask or imagine. ephesians 4:20

you have loved me well, i pray i can return that love in the many years to come.