josiah's recycling...

Turning six has made a huge impact on Josiah. His world has been instantly broadened by the biggest rite of passage in his short life- watching star wars. Even the tivo was tired of playing the discovery channel’s Science of Star Wars as it served as the authority of all things darth vader when he was merely five. It fueled the obsession, along with complex lego constructions and plastic light sabers. The time had finally come and the movie was all it was cracked up to be and more. The viewing gave way to empower many more requests “now that I’m six”.
The force is with Josiah, his mind is swirling with new ideas and possibilities.

While star wars is still foremost in his mind, recycling has become a close second. Everywhere we go he insists that he needs to take trash home for a very important project. The little ketchup cups at Wendy’s are necessary for bionicle building, the Cold Stone creamery bowl must be washed out in the bathroom because it would be the perfect top to a submarine, and he’s sure he will need the cup carrier at Baja Fresh for something although he’s not quite sure what that something is yet. And yes, we are eating a lot of fast food these days.

I keep reminding myself that this form of art is indeed important to his development and we aren’t just hauling a bunch of crap home. This trash is disguised as treasure. Josiah can see, he can see the treasure…the perfect thing that will complete or serve an important part of the whole. This is beauty to Josiah, the kind that we miss or never even care to consider.

I realized I’ve been doing a little recycling of my own lately. I’m sad to say it’s the worst kind. Recycling old thoughts, old anger and hurt in my heart. Feelings of insecurity, constant questioning, just believing that I suck. Things I thought had been thrown away. My job is like a magnet for bringing these things to the surface. I feel the force or maybe the darkside pulling down my soul. It’s been years since I was so full of self-doubt. The difference is I can see them now, I call them out but struggle to relinquish any power to them. They consume me, they drain my hope...

I keep searching for a new place to put this garbage but there is more this time and it doesn't seem to fit in the can anymore. Maybe I’m missing the point. I keep trying to throw them away, hoping they will never return but maybe they are meant to be recycled, maybe even woven or painted into the art that is my life. I always choose the bright colors, but the dark hues give my canvas depth and a richness I never knew I needed.
My recycling must be transformed into something meaningful, at least to me. Then I can look at it, really look at it and see the purpose, feel the pain, accept the past and love the future. I guess in time I can be like Josiah- viewing everything in my world as a possiblility, something to create, something to make my own, something beautiful to me...