my 28th year

my 28 sounds so grown up. like you should somewhat have your shit together. still working on that one.

i woke up to a rainy, kind of dreary day. it sort of fit the feel of my birthday. it has been sort of a non-day, not very celebratory in nature. and jorge ate the lemon muffin i bought for myself especially for this morning. that bastard.

i'm not really comfortable with lots of attention but i do enjoy thoughtfulness and a kind "happy birthday" here and there. my kids have been fighting all morning, the screeching from jack- oh dear god. it's enough to drive a mother looney.

jorge took me to lunch in hopes of making up for the muffin incident. it was nice but i think this birthday needs a do-over. whenever things are going poorly with my kids (either i'm acting badly or they are) i sometimes suggest a do-over and we recreate it how we want it or how it should of been. i might declare a do-over for this birthday so everyone i love the most will have a chance to celebrate my existence in the way they meant to the first time.

we all need to be celebrated, we need to know we are deeply loved, that we are adored, cared for and that someone thinks life is wonderful now that we are in the world.

on a personal note- 27 rocked! it was such a growing year for me. i did so many of the things i really wanted to do but never had before. i have explored my art, got brave and started to really write and be vulnerable,i did things for myself, i enjoyed and found humor in the flaws of my marriage, i found a new identity outside of my family, i let myself feel all the angst of my faith, i was impulsive, i took some chances...i feel like i know how to do it now and am really looking forward to 28. i'm not so afraid anymore and am ready to embrace much more, i am hopeful and excited for the next year of my life.